Tonight I sit typing with a heavy heart. Today I was at a funeral of a good man. Two of my friends, who are brothers... lost their dad this past Thursday. My heart broke watching the youngest of the two hurt, and it broke even worse when I found out that the oldest wasn't going to be able to make it in time for today (NOT HIS FAULT). This friend of mine is in the navy and is trying hard to get home but unfortunately due to different circumstances that are not my place to post, he couldn't make it in time... I know he is hurting, I know he wants to be here, and all I can do is pray for him and his brother.
So even though I found out about this the day it happened, everything only hit and really sunk in yesterday. My heart broke, I texted my mentor/accountability partner with some serious questions, I went and prayed with a woman I know from student ministry who's office just happens to be on the other side of my work, I have cried almost (but not quite) constantly, and it all led to today (which by the way only increased the water works and the pain in my heart). SO.... why am I telling you all of this? Because I know that I am not the only one... I know that someone else reading this at this very moment has a broken heart, someone reading this is grieving, and like me you are tired of the pain.
I sat down just a little while ago and told God with more tears streaming down my face that I want so badly to ask Him and the people He has blessed me with here, just like a little child, why there is so much pain in this world. Truth is I already know the answer... we live in a broken world. I asked God to take away the pain in my heart but deep down I know He allows me to experience this pain so that I am reminded of where I belong and that it isn't here.
Can I tell you something? While I don't like the death and pain that consumes this world anymore than you do, that place where I belong.... where we belong... there is no death and pain there. In fact there is a God who will one day put us on His lap and wipe every tear from our eyes and there will be no more of those either! So right now, I will admit... I want to go home and sit in my daddy's lap, I want Him to take the pain and hurt away more than anything... but the truth is, my life is not finished. God isn't done using me here yet and from what I keep being told... I have some big plans ahead of me. And even though I am hurting, God hasn't left me... I have felt His presence through everything today and have even heard Him whisper that He loves me and He is with me.
So though I sit here tonight with a broken and heavy heart, I will press on with the help of God. I will live the life I am called to, all the while longing to be in the place that my soul was created for and one day, when God has used me for His purposes here I will run into His open arms squealing like a tiny little child filled with love "ABBA!!!" as He wraps those arms that defeated death around me, and welcomes me home.
Please pray for this family, and for the friends of the family as they grieve. Pray that they remember there is hope in Jesus.
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