Wow/Change

I can't believe it has really been so long since I last posted. There were times that I sat down and typed something up but then I would never finish it or post it... Having a baby has made time pass super fast and made very little time for doing things like this but now we are finally getting some sort of schedule (if you can really call it that) and she is currently taking a nap:) SUCCESS!

So anyway, we had a baby.... wow. My husband and I continuously look at this precious little girl and ask each other how we made such a beautiful little girl to which the other answers "but God"... If you are on my Facebook than you have seen just how beautiful our sweet little daughter is.

People have been asking me how I'm doing and the short of it.... I'm doing okay, mostly tired, extremely happy, but a little sad. The long.... well.... I have good days and bad days.... My blood pressure is too high and then too low a day later, I ended up with postpartum depression so sometimes I feel really down and sad, but at the same time I'm overcome with happiness every time I look at our little girl. I mean.... I didn't know it was possible to love something so tiny so much!

So, with all of that being said, we are taking steps to fix my blood pressure and my PPD, and other than that I'm just enjoying the ride, thanking God continuously for this sweet little gift he has given us.

In other news, we are getting ready to go back to the gym and while I didn't exactly hit my goal weight, at my last doctors appointment I had lost 40 pounds from the beginning of the year. I only gained 10 pounds during my pregnancy (shocker, I know) and then the weight came pouring off after little girl was out! However, I am setting my goal once again, and going to work hard to finish achieving it over the next year.

My word this year was change and oh boy did God give us change. We, of course, had our plans for change.... changing our physical health and our spiritual health, but we never could have imagined the change God had in store for us.... the change of becoming parents....

A lot has happened over this last year, some good things.... but some.... pretty bad things as well... I will say though... if it weren't for God we wouldn't have gotten through any of it, and we wouldn't be handling parenthood very well, I'm sure. Here we are though.

I'm so thankful for the changes that God has brought about this year. Some things I'm a little more thankful for, like becoming a mom... other things I'm thankful that one day God may allow me to see why he brought such changes about... either way, I'm thankful. I look forward to seeing what word He places on my heart for 2019 and what comes from it.

Well anyway, thanks for reading. Hopefully my next post will be sooner rather than later, but who knows...

God bless,
Kelcy J.

SURPRISE!!!

So I wanted to start by saying thanks to everyone who has been praying about the opportunity I mentioned in my last post. God, however, had other plans and allowed that opportunity to fall through. We were upset at first. We were really hoping things would work out but God's plans are better than ours and not long after he said "I have something better" he showed us that something better.

I've waited to post this so that I could go ahead and let you all know that my husband and I are expecting a sweet little blessing in October of this year =D That's right.... WE'RE PREGNANT!!!

We were just as surprised as I'm sure some of you are but we are thrilled nonetheless. I would've posted on here sooner but things, as I'm sure many of you can imagine, have been a little crazy and a lot busy since finding out. I have had more doctors appointments than I would like to have had due to some problems I was having and I'm learning quickly that this doctor will probably be my new best friend by the end of these nine months.

Anyway, we are super excited to start this chapter of our lives together. The gym took a little bit of a back burner position once I found out because we didn't know whether or not my doctor was going to let me continue working out the way that I have been. Much to my surprise everything seems to point to a healthy pregnancy (other than my diabetes which I am now checking several times a day), so I can start working out again and I can't wait. I have missed it. Now if I can just get my husband to calm down and understand that doc says I'm okay, so I'm okay. He has been so super protective since we found out:) It's hilarious.

So now we wait. Wait for the next appointment. Wait for the next ultrasound. Get everything ready and wait some more. Everyone keeps saying these nine months will be over before I know it but so far it's passing at a normal rate.... oh well.

A new journey is beginning and I think I need to get all the sleep I can before it truly does.

Goodnight!
-Kelcy J.

PROGRESS IS HAPPENING!!!

That's right! PROGRESS! =D I am so excited to let everyone know that our hard work at the gym has started paying off! People have been telling me that I've lost weight and while I appreciated the compliments I didn't see it and couldn't believe it. Well.... I got on a scale and I have lost..... 20 POUNDS!!!!! That's right! 20 POUNDS!!!!

I was ecstatic after I was told the scale was indeed right. I thought it was broken! Nope! I may not see it looking at the pictures but they say the person losing won't see it for a while so I'll just have to trust the scales and others on this one.

For those of you keeping up, that means I now have 110 more pounds to lose out of my 130 pound goal. I am so excited and though I do want to lose weight this journey is worth it if only for how much better I feel.

Our journey to change has continued on quite a path since the first day of the New Year. We have been doing our Bible study at night along with reading The 5 Love Languages; we have been regularly going to the gym and working hard while there; we have been eating better for the most part (we are not perfect); we have been at church every Sunday and have only missed our class twice; and a few other changes have made their way into our lives by the grace of God that we will keep off of the blog (sorry!).

In other news! I would like everyone that reads this to be praying for a change that the Lord may bring into our lives this year that we are incredibly excited and nervous for! We aren't really talking to anyone about it except a few people that we have praying with us and those that have brought this opportunity to our attention. The Lord knows the cries of our hearts in this area and we are simply praying that He will allow everything to work out in our favor. Thank you in advance for the prayers, hopefully we will have answers soon!

As always I appreciate the continued support. I apologize for not being able to post a lot in the last several weeks, it's been incredibly busy. I can't wait to have another update about my weight for you all! I'm feeling good and going to keep working hard =D

I won't bore you with all of the pictures in between, however here is the most recent gym picture of Charles and I :) Sorry it's a bit fuzzy, the little seal band in my Lifeproof is loose and managed to come over the camera a bit. God bless!

Until next time!
-Kelcy J.

Day One and Done!

So yesterday, as you all know, was New Year's Day. So, yesterday my husband and I started our journey to healthier living! We worked out for a little over an hour yesterday and thankfully we aren't feeling it too bad today since we were lucky enough to get in my parents hot tub last night. Yes, I know it was below freezing but the water was 102℉ so I think it works.

We had a great start to our New Year. We worked out, we spent time with family and we ate our greens and peas. I believe that this is going to be a great year.

With that being said, this is only the beginning. I know that days are going to come that are hard for us to get out of bed and making it to the gym in the mornings. I know that we aren't always going to want to eat the way we need to. I know that days are going to come when I am sure that I will never lose the weight but I am going to do everything I can to push thoughts like that away. I am going to push through and get up in the mornings because I know that I want to lose 130 pounds. I know that I want to feel better. I know that I want to be healthy. I want to be the best me, I can be and part of that is being healthier physically.

I worked out with a smile yesterday. When things got tough I told myself "just a little more, you've got this! 130 pounds, 130 pounds, 130 pounds!" I told myself that, because I am determined. I am going to do this. So day one of our long journey is done. I hate pictures of myself but this is part of it. It's pictures like this that motivate me to work hard for this weight loss. This isn't just a resolution. It is a journey to change and one that won't be taken lightly. 

Bring it day 2! I've got this. 

-Kelcy J.

Let's Do This!

My husband and I have agreed to make a resolution. Starting New Year's we will get up early in the mornings to head to the gym and spend time working out together. Our intention is to do this very often throughout the week. We will change our diet. We will get more rest than we are getting now. We will lose weight, and get healthy. I know some of ya'll might be coming across this post and thinking that you've heard this same resolution hundreds of times. I mean what could be more cliche than a resolution to lose weight and be healthy? However, we are dead serious.

My husband doesn't yet have a weight loss goal in mind (not that he is in serious need of one), but I do. I want to spend the next year losing 130 pounds. I know that this will not be easy but I know that it is possible. After I lose it, I am going to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

For those of you who don't know, I am a diabetic. I don't have to take insulin but I am on medication for it. Part of my goal is getting healthy enough to come off of my diabetes medication (with the doctors approval of course). It's not going to be easy. In fact, I know there are going to be days where it is really going to suck. There are going to be days where my depression fights to keep me in bed, and my anxiety tries to convince me to stay away from a gym full of people.... but I am going to get up. I am going to go. I am going to reach my goals.

Along with getting physically healthy, I am going to get spiritually healthy as well. If you know me than you know we haven't been in church as much as we should this past year. We stopped going to our Sunday school, I don't read my Bible every day, and I don't talk to God near as much as I used to. That is going to change but unlike the eating, that is changing NOW. I know that I am not perfect, but I know what I can be for God and I haven't been that this past year. So it's time for a change.

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So, now that you have been filled in I would love to hear any tips as far as eating healthy, making the most out of scheduling, making the most out of working out, etc. So please leave anything you have to say in the comments below. 

I haven't decided quite how I am going to go about it yet, but I may try to make a post every now and then about how things are going with our journey. Stay tuned and I will keep you updated!

As always, all your support is greatly appreciated. Please share with everyone and follow. Practice makes perfect and I will be trying to make my posts better all the time. 

-Kelcy J.

Moving Up

I very much enjoy writing this blog whenever I can, or when a weird mood strikes me. However, I have made a decision to make a few changes in order to better help my small little family. If I can make it work and figure it all out, this blog will now have AdSense. BUT WAIT!!! DON'T LEAVE!! It's good for both of us!

I appreciate all of the support I get already from you (the readers). Now I need your support more than ever! Doing this, and building a reader base more than what I have now, will help our income. In return for your help I am providing more of a service. I will be working on a schedule that works for my life to post on here regularly. To start with, I am going to try to do one day a week. My posts will also be changing some. I will be posting things that are helpful such as how I deal with our finances. How I tackle the craziness of life. Things that I am learning in my marriage. How I deal with issues that arise.

This also means being more transparent than ever before. It means being uncomfortable. I still want to share my life as a Christian wife first and foremost. Jesus is weaved into my daily life (nowhere close to perfectly). Jesus is my life. So He will be weaved in the things I share. This means I will also be sharing how I make time in my life for Him (which I am also not perfect at).

All of this also means, that I will be more open about my depression and anxiety. Something that I have just recently started opening up about. I hope that all of this will be helpful to whoever needs it. Life is difficult and it can be made more difficult with depression and anxiety, so I will be posting more about ways I am trying to learn to cope and things I do to sometimes make it through a day...

I will still post crazy random stuff on unscheduled days. I am just now adding this in.

Now here is where you come in. I need you to keep supporting. I need you to support me even more on this blogging journey. I need you to follow, I need you to share as much as you can with whoever you can whenever I post. Share ideas for posts to my email kelcyj9316@outlook.com! Things you want to see me write about. Things that are important to you! Comment. Like. Share!! I appreciate all of you and everything you already do in support.

It's going to be crazy, scary, and imperfect but it's okay. Thank you in advance for your continued support and your help!

-Kelcy J.

I Already Think You Hate Me

I'm not trying to be dramatic or too sensitive. It's the truth. I don't want to feel that way about everyone I come into contact with or everyone in the room at the time for that matter, but I do. My anxiety makes sure that I know you hate me. About 0.01% of my brain knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that it's not true but the rest of me.... my heart, the rest of my brain, every cell in my body believes it and is consumed with certainty that you in fact do hate my guts.

When I walk into a room, I feel as though everyone wants so badly for me to leave it. They wish I wasn't there. I know the world doesn't revolve around me. I know that most of those people don't even know I've walked in but you would find it impossible to convince me that every one in that room doesn't hate me the minute I walk in.

My life is hated until proven loved and even then my mind won't let me believe that there isn't apart of you that despises me. I get on your nerves. You wish I would leave already. "Oh great, there is Kelcy again.... why does she even try".... those are words that constantly enter my head about what you are probably thinking. It doesn't matter who you are.

Why am I telling you this? Well, don't think that I am not feeling pretty exposed but hopefully exposing what my life is like living with depression and anxiety will help you understand me a little bit more and people like me.

Sometimes you may think I am trying to hard. Sometimes you think I may over explain things, or backtrack to much, or sometimes I do things because of the way I feel and maybe you don't notice but I am pretty sure you do and will lay awake at night kicking myself over our entire conversation.

There are things I have said, conversations I have had that happened 5, 6 years or more ago that there is not a detail I couldn't accurately tell you about it because I hate that I even spoke. I can tell you the exact spot we were standing in. How big the table beside us was. The picture that was sitting on that table, how big it was, and what it was of. I can tell you more than likely what you were wearing and I was wearing. I can tell you what the set of flowers looked like on that table. Everything. I can tell you exactly what I said, how I said it, and what your reaction was.

Seems exhausting right? A little over-thought? Tell me about it.... It is. Some of you are rolling your eyes at me right now because you have no idea what its like and can't imagine that it's out of my control... but it is....

Those conversations from 6 years ago.... they still keep me up at night. You think I look tired.... I was probably up trying to remind myself that God really did put me on this earth for a purpose. I seem too awkward around people but it's because I am so uncomfortable and trying so hard to fight against my anxiety and it's voice telling me you hate me that awkward encounters are all that seemed to happen. I don't mean to seem like I am a million miles away if I ever do... I'm listening but I am trying to separate your words from the constant voice of anxiety in my head.

There are things I avoid doing and avoid going to because my anxiety has gotten so bad. I do my best to push myself to do things any way but sometimes I can just walk into that room full of people and be okay. I feel like I am suffocating. It's not you. It really is me.

Sometimes it is nice to know that you care. It's nice to have the benefit of the doubt. I'm not trying to be emotional, its just sometimes I can't help it when I feel like I am being tortured from the inside out.

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This is honestly how I feel every day. This post is straight from my heart. But I would be amiss to not remind anyone reading this that there are many people dealing with mental illness and it is serious. There are many people that feel this way other than me. It's exhausting. It's torture and getting up every day to deal with it is hard. It's hard not to want to escape. Let people in your life that may be struggling with mental illness know that you are there for them. That you care. 💚💚💚

To give an illustration I came across this picture the other day and thought it was a good representation of how anxiety can feel. It is worse than anyone can imagine or draw but this paints a pretty good picture:

-Kelcy